Tribute to "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott

Dear Online User,

We are seeking your feedback about your online search experience with MSN, Yahoo and Cooqle.
Our hope is this process will help us meet and refine your expectations
and improve our services while you are searching online for products,
and services and to save you time and provide even better search experience in future.

The survey is user-friendly, do not require to complete any forms and you should be
able to complete it within 3-5 minutes or less.

Below we provide you with links to MSN,Yahoo and Cooqle with the same search terms.

By following links, you will get search results from those search engines and our goal is to determine,
which one will provide you with most relevant results for your area without explicitly disclosing your location.

We selected "auto insurance" as our search terms and
want to see if any of search engines will provide you with results related to your location.

We appreciate your willingness to participate and value your feedback.


To begin, please click the URL below(no form completion required, we will track your results automatically):


Survey URL:
Auto Insurance - Cooqle
Auto Insurance - MSN
Auto Insurance - Yahoo


Thank you for your participation.
Cooqle Team

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."


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Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.

On his first day of boot camp, the Army issued him a toothbrush. That
afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth.

On his second day, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, an Army
barber sheared his head.

On his third day, he was issued a jock strap.

The Army is still looking for him


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Do you like smelling flowers?

If you don't, why not? I think they see me through the day and take me away, if only for five minutes
to a place of peace and serenity

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy he's hired, then informs him, "The hours are from 8 A.M. to 4 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10 A.M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8 A.M. to 4 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10 A.M.?"

"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls... no point in you coming in for that.


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One evening a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar in order to catch potential drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a man come stumbling out of the bar, sway across the street and try his keys on five different cars before he found his own. He sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off.

Finally the man started his engine and began to drive off. The police officer, waiting for the man the whole time, stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how this was possible. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


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Stress Reduction

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head
you're holding under the water.
Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the
first place.
What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick
breath... then ploop!...back under they go...
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?


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Carmen

A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself", she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."


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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and
clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started"


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The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF
THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his
wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I
want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my
word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal
tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a
sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are
going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm
finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and
comb my hair?"

His wife replied,

"The f****** funeral director would be my guess?!"


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Can someone tell me what the weather is like.
Is it cold out there?

Blind Man Shopping


A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."

The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."


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A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the Playboy movie channel.

He looked at her and asked, "Do you think we can still do that?"

"Well, we can sure try!" she answered.

So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!


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Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"


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Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow's stall. You show him where it is."

The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.

She says, "This is the one, right here."
The man says, "How do you know?"
Amy says, "By the nail over its stall."
The man says, "What's the nail for?"
Amy says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."


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A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"


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The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied ... "The balcony."


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This farmer would go out on his tractor and while he was working the fields and bouncing around for awhile he would get horny but it was a long ways back on his tractor to the house where his wife was.

So he came up with this plan.He told his wife he would take his rifle with him and next time he got horny he would fire a shot and she could drive the pickup truck out to where he was.

So thats what they did and it worked quite well.

One day a neighbor was over having coffee.

"I haven't seen your wife around for quite a while," he said.

"Me neither" said the farmer,"Not since hunting season started!"


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This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard
University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud
without
a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!


1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat


Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and see if this applies to you


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A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.


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There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"

Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady replied breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"


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